Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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