The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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