I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
