Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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