What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
