My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
