next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
