I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
