I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
