Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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