She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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