there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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