Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
