so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
