the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
