So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
