I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
