The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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