Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
cat food counts as protein by the way
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
