i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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