Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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