OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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