you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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