A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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