we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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