I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
