I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dude. I can hear the air.
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