youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
