You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
