i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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