That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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