I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
