she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
