do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
They have beer where we have blood.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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