i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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