he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
