If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
