I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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