She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
