his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
