oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
