did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
