god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
