This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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