Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize