i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
