we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
