Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
