Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
