sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
