I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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