What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
