At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
