What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
