I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
