..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
