i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
