Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
50% drunk capacity currently
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
