I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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