Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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