Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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