I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
