Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize