I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
