I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
